diff --git a/go/default.nix b/go/default.nix
index 237acf88dd..1e9a68741c 100644
--- a/go/default.nix
+++ b/go/default.nix
@@ -9,7 +9,6 @@ args: {
   minotarproxy = import ./minotarproxy args;
   streetworks = import ./streetworks args;
   trains = import ./trains args;
-  nhsenglandtests = import ./nhsenglandtests args;
   journal2clickhouse = import ./journal2clickhouse args;
   secretsmgr = import ./secretsmgr args;
   tokend = import ./tokend args;
diff --git a/go/nhsenglandtests/default.nix b/go/nhsenglandtests/default.nix
deleted file mode 100644
index c859b418a4..0000000000
--- a/go/nhsenglandtests/default.nix
+++ /dev/null
@@ -1,10 +0,0 @@
-# SPDX-FileCopyrightText: 2020 Luke Granger-Brown <depot@lukegb.com>
-#
-# SPDX-License-Identifier: Apache-2.0
-
-{ depot, ... }:
-depot.third_party.buildGo.program {
-  name = "nhsenglandtests";
-  srcs = [ ./nhsenglandtests.go ];
-  deps = with depot.third_party; [];
-}
diff --git a/go/nhsenglandtests/nhsenglandtests.go b/go/nhsenglandtests/nhsenglandtests.go
deleted file mode 100644
index acb9731e26..0000000000
--- a/go/nhsenglandtests/nhsenglandtests.go
+++ /dev/null
@@ -1,322 +0,0 @@
-package main
-
-import (
-	"bytes"
-	"context"
-	"encoding/json"
-	"flag"
-	"fmt"
-	"io"
-	"log"
-	"net/http"
-	"os"
-	"strings"
-	"time"
-)
-
-type client struct {
-	http *http.Client
-}
-
-type availabilityType int
-
-const (
-	availabilityUnknown availabilityType = iota
-	availabilityClosed
-	availabilityOpen
-)
-
-func (c *client) GetHomeAvailability(ctx context.Context, testType string) (availabilityType, error) {
-	req, err := http.NewRequestWithContext(ctx, "GET", fmt.Sprintf("https://api.test-for-coronavirus.service.gov.uk/ser/app/homeOrderAvailabilityStatus/%s", testType), nil)
-	if err != nil {
-		return availabilityUnknown, fmt.Errorf("creating request: %w", err)
-	}
-	req.Header.Set("Origin", "https://test-for-coronavirus.service.gov.uk")
-	req.Header.Set("User-Agent", "TestAvailabilityScraper/1.0 (nhs-test-scraper@lukegb.com)")
-	req.Header.Set("Accept", "application/json")
-	resp, err := c.http.Do(req)
-	if err != nil {
-		return availabilityUnknown, fmt.Errorf("performing request: %w", err)
-	}
-	defer resp.Body.Close()
-
-	if resp.StatusCode != http.StatusOK {
-		return availabilityUnknown, fmt.Errorf("bad HTTP status %d", resp.StatusCode)
-	}
-
-	type bodyData struct {
-		Status string `json:"status"`
-	}
-	var d bodyData
-	if err := json.NewDecoder(resp.Body).Decode(&d); err != nil {
-		return availabilityUnknown, fmt.Errorf("parsing response: %w", err)
-	}
-
-	switch d.Status {
-	case "CLOSE":
-		return availabilityClosed, nil
-	case "OPEN":
-		return availabilityOpen, nil
-	default:
-		return availabilityUnknown, fmt.Errorf("unknown status %q", d.Status)
-	}
-}
-
-type homeAvailabilityData struct {
-	status      availabilityType
-	err         error
-	lastUpdate  time.Time
-	lastSuccess time.Time
-}
-
-func (d *homeAvailabilityData) Clone() *homeAvailabilityData {
-	return &homeAvailabilityData{
-		status:      d.status,
-		err:         d.err,
-		lastUpdate:  d.lastUpdate,
-		lastSuccess: d.lastSuccess,
-	}
-}
-
-type bot struct {
-	http                *http.Client
-	token               string
-	targetChannel       string
-	targetPinnedMessage int
-	tickInterval        time.Duration
-
-	nhsClient        *client
-	homeLFDPublic    *homeAvailabilityData
-	homePCRPublic    *homeAvailabilityData
-	homePCRKeyWorker *homeAvailabilityData
-}
-
-func (b *bot) callTelegramNoReply(ctx context.Context, api string, payload interface{}) error {
-	var payloadBuf bytes.Buffer
-	if err := json.NewEncoder(&payloadBuf).Encode(payload); err != nil {
-		return fmt.Errorf("marshalling message payload: %w", err)
-	}
-	req, err := http.NewRequestWithContext(ctx, "POST", fmt.Sprintf("https://api.telegram.org/bot%s/%s", b.token, api), &payloadBuf)
-	if err != nil {
-		return fmt.Errorf("creating new HTTP request to %v: %w", api, err)
-	}
-	req.Header.Set("Content-Type", "application/json")
-	resp, err := b.http.Do(req)
-	if err != nil {
-		return fmt.Errorf("performing %v: %w", api, err)
-	}
-	defer resp.Body.Close()
-
-	if resp.StatusCode >= http.StatusOK && resp.StatusCode < http.StatusMultipleChoices {
-		return nil
-	}
-	io.Copy(os.Stderr, resp.Body)
-	return fmt.Errorf("%v HTTP status was %d", api, resp.StatusCode)
-}
-
-func (b *bot) editMessageText(ctx context.Context, msgID int, msg string) error {
-	return b.callTelegramNoReply(ctx, "editMessageText", struct {
-		ChatID                string `json:"chat_id"`
-		MessageID             int    `json:"message_id"`
-		Text                  string `json:"text"`
-		ParseMode             string `json:"parse_mode"`
-		DisableWebPagePreview bool   `json:"disable_web_page_preview"`
-	}{
-		ChatID:                b.targetChannel,
-		MessageID:             msgID,
-		Text:                  msg,
-		ParseMode:             "MarkdownV2",
-		DisableWebPagePreview: true,
-	})
-}
-
-func (b *bot) sendMessage(ctx context.Context, msg string) error {
-	return b.callTelegramNoReply(ctx, "sendMessage", struct {
-		ChatID                string `json:"chat_id"`
-		Text                  string `json:"text"`
-		ParseMode             string `json:"parse_mode"`
-		DisableWebPagePreview bool   `json:"disable_web_page_preview"`
-	}{
-		ChatID:                b.targetChannel,
-		Text:                  msg,
-		ParseMode:             "MarkdownV2",
-		DisableWebPagePreview: true,
-	})
-}
-
-func (b *bot) updateAvailabilityFor(ctx context.Context, outData **homeAvailabilityData, testType string) (bool, error) {
-	t := time.Now()
-	avType, err := b.nhsClient.GetHomeAvailability(ctx, testType)
-
-	newData := &homeAvailabilityData{lastUpdate: t}
-	if *outData != nil {
-		newData = (*outData).Clone()
-		newData.lastUpdate = t
-	}
-
-	if err != nil {
-		newData.err = err
-		*outData = newData
-		return false, fmt.Errorf("updating status for %v: %w", testType, err)
-	}
-
-	newData.status = avType
-	newData.err = nil
-	newData.lastSuccess = t
-
-	updated := *outData == nil || (*outData).status != newData.status
-	*outData = newData
-	return updated, nil
-}
-
-type availabilityUpdate struct {
-	homePCRKeyWorker bool
-	homePCRPublic    bool
-	homeLFDPublic    bool
-}
-
-func (au availabilityUpdate) Any() bool {
-	return au.homePCRKeyWorker || au.homePCRPublic || au.homeLFDPublic
-}
-
-func (b *bot) updateAvailability(ctx context.Context) (availabilityUpdate, error) {
-	updatedPCRKW, errPCRKW := b.updateAvailabilityFor(ctx, &b.homePCRKeyWorker, "antigen-keyworkers")
-	updatedPCRPub, errPCRPub := b.updateAvailabilityFor(ctx, &b.homePCRPublic, "antigen-public")
-	updatedLFDPub, errLFDPub := b.updateAvailabilityFor(ctx, &b.homeLFDPublic, "lfd3-public")
-	updated := availabilityUpdate{
-		homePCRKeyWorker: updatedPCRKW,
-		homePCRPublic:    updatedPCRPub,
-		homeLFDPublic:    updatedLFDPub,
-	}
-
-	// If we had only one error, use that.
-	errs := []error{errPCRKW, errPCRPub, errLFDPub}
-	errCount := 0
-	var lastErr error
-	allErrsStr := []string{"multiple errors: "}
-	for _, err := range errs {
-		if err != nil {
-			errCount++
-			lastErr = err
-			allErrsStr = append(allErrsStr, err.Error())
-		}
-	}
-	if errCount == 0 || errCount == 1 {
-		return updated, lastErr
-	}
-	return updated, fmt.Errorf("%v", strings.Join(allErrsStr, ""))
-}
-
-func (b *bot) sendUpdatedAvailability(ctx context.Context, au availabilityUpdate) error {
-	var msg []string
-	if au.homePCRKeyWorker && b.homePCRKeyWorker.status == availabilityOpen {
-		msg = append(msg, "\\[Key workers\\] At\\-home PCR tests are now available\\.")
-	}
-	if au.homePCRPublic && b.homePCRPublic.status == availabilityOpen {
-		msg = append(msg, "\\[Public\\] At\\-home PCR tests are now available\\.")
-	}
-	if au.homeLFDPublic && b.homeLFDPublic.status == availabilityOpen {
-		msg = append(msg, "\\[Public\\] At\\-home LFD tests are now available\\.")
-	}
-	if len(msg) == 0 {
-		return nil
-	}
-
-	log.Printf("sending updated availability:\n%v", strings.Join(msg, "\n"))
-	return b.sendMessage(ctx, strings.Join(msg, "\n"))
-}
-
-func (b *bot) updatePinnedMessage(ctx context.Context) error {
-	format := func(had *homeAvailabilityData, orderURL string) string {
-		var bits []string
-		switch had.status {
-		case availabilityOpen:
-			bits = append(bits, fmt.Sprintf("[✅ AVAILABLE](%v)", orderURL))
-		case availabilityClosed:
-			bits = append(bits, "❌ out of stock")
-		case availabilityUnknown:
-			bits = append(bits, "🤷 unknown")
-		}
-		if had.err != nil {
-			bits = append(bits, "(an error occurred during the last update)")
-		}
-		return strings.Join(bits, " ")
-	}
-	newMsg := fmt.Sprintf(`Last updated: %v
-
-At\-home PCR test \(key workers\): %v
-At\-home PCR test \(public\): %v
-At\-home LFD test \(public\): %v`,
-		time.Now().Format("2006\\-01\\-02 15\\:04"),
-		format(b.homePCRKeyWorker, "https://self-referral.test-for-coronavirus.service.gov.uk/antigen/confirm-eligible"),
-		format(b.homePCRPublic, "https://self-referral.test-for-coronavirus.service.gov.uk/antigen/confirm-eligible"),
-		format(b.homeLFDPublic, "https://test-for-coronavirus.service.gov.uk/order-lateral-flow-kits"),
-	)
-	log.Printf("updating pinned message:\n%v", newMsg)
-	return b.editMessageText(ctx, b.targetPinnedMessage, newMsg)
-}
-
-func (b *bot) runOnce(ctx context.Context) {
-	updated, err := b.updateAvailability(ctx)
-	if err != nil {
-		log.Printf("updateAvailability: %v", err)
-	}
-	if updated.Any() {
-		if err := b.sendUpdatedAvailability(ctx, updated); err != nil {
-			log.Printf("sendUpdatedAvailability: %v", err)
-		}
-	}
-	if err := b.updatePinnedMessage(ctx); err != nil {
-		log.Printf("updatePinnedMessage: %v", err)
-	}
-}
-
-func (b *bot) Run(ctx context.Context) error {
-	t := time.NewTicker(b.tickInterval)
-	defer t.Stop()
-
-	log.Printf("performing initial run")
-	b.runOnce(ctx)
-	log.Printf("here we go")
-
-	for {
-		select {
-		case <-ctx.Done():
-			return ctx.Err()
-		case <-t.C:
-			log.Print("tick")
-			b.runOnce(ctx)
-		}
-	}
-}
-
-var (
-	telegramToken   = flag.String("telegram_token", "", "Bot token to use with Telegram Bot API.")
-	telegramChannel = flag.String("telegram_channel", "@nhsenglandtestavailability", "Channel to send updates to.")
-	telegramPinned  = flag.Int("telegram_pinned_msg_id", 3, "Pinned message to update.")
-	tickInterval    = flag.Duration("tick_interval", 1*time.Minute, "How often to run the main check loop.")
-)
-
-func main() {
-	flag.Parse()
-
-	if *telegramToken == "" {
-		log.Fatal("--telegram_token is mandatory")
-	}
-
-	nhsClient := &client{
-		http: new(http.Client),
-	}
-	myBot := &bot{
-		http:                new(http.Client),
-		token:               *telegramToken,
-		targetChannel:       *telegramChannel,
-		targetPinnedMessage: *telegramPinned,
-		tickInterval:        *tickInterval,
-
-		nhsClient: nhsClient,
-	}
-	if err := myBot.Run(context.Background()); err != nil {
-		log.Fatal(err)
-	}
-}
diff --git a/ops/nixos/bvm-nixosmgmt/default.nix b/ops/nixos/bvm-nixosmgmt/default.nix
index b553b5aced..fc12276e36 100644
--- a/ops/nixos/bvm-nixosmgmt/default.nix
+++ b/ops/nixos/bvm-nixosmgmt/default.nix
@@ -6,7 +6,6 @@
 {
   imports = [
     ../lib/bvm.nix
-    ../lib/nhsenglandtests.nix
     ../../../nix/pkgs/rundeck-bin/module.nix
   ];
 
diff --git a/ops/nixos/lib/nhsenglandtests.nix b/ops/nixos/lib/nhsenglandtests.nix
deleted file mode 100644
index 6dec4d286e..0000000000
--- a/ops/nixos/lib/nhsenglandtests.nix
+++ /dev/null
@@ -1,20 +0,0 @@
-# SPDX-FileCopyrightText: 2020 Luke Granger-Brown <depot@lukegb.com>
-#
-# SPDX-License-Identifier: Apache-2.0
-
-{ pkgs, depot, lib, ... }:
-{
-  config = {
-    systemd.services.nhsenglandtests = {
-      enable = true;
-      wantedBy = [ "multi-user.target" ];
-      after = [ "network.target" ];
-      wants = [ "network.target" ];
-      serviceConfig = {
-        DynamicUser = true;
-        User = "nhsenglandtests";
-        ExecStart = "${depot.go.nhsenglandtests}/bin/nhsenglandtests --telegram_token=${depot.ops.secrets.telegram.nhsenglandtests}";
-      };
-    };
-  };
-}